


Limbo

by Awesome_Sauce432



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Beau Can Only Catch So Many Arrows At Once Guys, Gen, Resurrection, Resurrection Ritual, She Also Has So Many Feelings About Molly's Death, Temporary Character Death, The Raven Queen Shows Up For Like Five Lines, The Rest Of The Mighty Nein Appear, referenced character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-17
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-07-13 09:18:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16014920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Awesome_Sauce432/pseuds/Awesome_Sauce432
Summary: Beau tries to catch one (or eight) too many arrows, and it doesn't go so well. She finds herself in an odd void and finds that no one wants to lose another member of the Mighty Nein, least of all the member that they've already lost.





	Limbo

For a split second, it was like her entire body was being pulled through a tiny crack in a wall, shifting and pounding and no longer whole but still somehow sticking together. By the time she got through to the other side her body felt lighter than air, as if it didn’t exist unless she was actively thinking about it. There was a ringing in her ears that only served to highlight the oppressive silence that existed everywhere else, and even though she brought her hands to her ears to try and block it out, she felt nothing and the sound didn’t lessen even a tiny bit.

 

After a moment of confusion the memories came flooding back. Beau looked down at her chest, seeing the gaping, bloody wounds in her chest and stomach, blood soaking the front of her clothes and dripping down her body but no longer flowing. The volley of arrows from the overcompensating ambush she’d walked into - far too many to dodge them all, far too many to catch them all - were gone, but the wounds still remaining even if they gave her none of the pain she was sure she’d been feeling just a second ago. 

 

Oh.

 

Oh shit. 

 

Suddenly she seemed aware of the darkness around her, the ringing in her ears growing louder and heavier, a pressure pushing down on her brain as panic momentarily took over. 

 

No. No fucking way. This couldn’t be what she thought was happening. This was a near-death, unconscious and bleeding out experience, right? Near-death, but not  _ dead- _ death. She couldn't be dead. She wasn’t allowed to be dead. 

 

Sure, she’d been unconscious many times and never experienced something like this, but maybe she’d just forgotten, like all of the dreams she had at night. At any moment Fjord would give her a healing potion and berate her for walking into such an ambush while the healers of the party were split up amongst the others as they snuck around the… wherever they were right now. The details were fuzzy. 

 

But a distinct, terrifying pit settled in her stomach, telling her that that was very wrong. 

 

_ You are correct. _

 

The voice boomed in her thoughts, without a sound or a person to connect it to. It was like when Nott or Caleb sent her messages to her mind, but with a far more sinister and foreboding edge. She’d heard stories of people hearing the voice of the Raven Queen in their heads, but usually only paladins or clerics sworn to her. Not her.  

 

“What?”

 

_ You’ve died. _

 

Beau gulped, running her hands through her hair - an action which no longer carried the weight and comfort that it did normally. No. That can’t be right.

 

“No way. There’s an afterlife. If I was dead, I’d be in the afterlife.” She was surprised at how much conviction there was in her words. “This is just a fever dream, I’m not dead.” 

 

She nearly added the words ‘I  _ can’t  _ die.’ but stopped herself, because she knew how much a lie that was. Anyone could die. 

 

_ Your soul is no longer attached to your body, child. You are dead, but there is a battle for you yet. _

 

“A battle?” A choked laugh made its way out of her, because she could barely comprehend what was going on. “Do I have to fight something?”

 

_ No. This is not your battle, though you have the final say in its result. _

 

“What the actual fuck does that mean.” 

 

Without another word, the hazy darkness shifted around her, colours that Beau had almost forgotten existed swirling from nothing in front of her. It was all greys, blues and greens with hints of yellow and orange from torchlight, as a scene suddenly unfolded around her. And there was Fjord, a broken arrow shaft poking out of his shoulder that oozed a small amount of blood. But in his arms, jostled and jolted as Fjord ran through the hallways faster than Beau could ever remember, was her. More accurately, her body, bloodsoaked, limp and with at least eight arrows poking out of her where they’d pierced her stomach, her lungs, her heart. Her eyes were closed and her mouth hung slightly open, but no breath escaped them.

 

Beau - the her that was standing there in this strange realm of existence, not the one lying dead in Fjord’s arms - was frozen, staring at this image in front of her. Fjord’s mouth was moving but there was no sound, and Beau almost regretted sneaking out of the class where the monks had tried to teach her how to lip-read. 

 

“I-I still don’t get it.” She couldn’t tear her gaze away from Fjord running through the corridors, with a panic that she never saw from him. 

 

“They’re going to try to resurrect you, and there’s a chance of it actually working.” A new voice, one that didn’t pound in her head but flowed smoothly through her ears. A painfully familiar voice.

 

She whipped around, seeing Mollymauk Tealeaf standing there, no wound in his chest, his irritatingly terrible coat flowing lightly in a non-existent breeze, smirking with his head tilted in the way he so often had done while insulting her. 

 

“You-” Beau’s words caught and sputtered in her throat, eventually flowing out with no actual thought put into them. “You  _ asshole _ .” 

 

Molly blinked once, with no discernable change in his expression. “Yes. It is I, the asshole.” 

 

“You’re dead.”

 

“So are you.” 

 

Beau’s eyes flickered around the void where she was, carefully avoiding the still present image of Fjord behind her. “Have… have you been here this whole time?” 

 

“No. I’ve been in the actual afterlife. Marvellous place, by the way.” He shrugged lightly, taking a single step forward. “This place is more of a limbo. For the souls who aren’t quite giving up on life yet.”

 

Beau was silent, still trying to process the figure in front of her and the complicated emotions his presence undredged. 

 

“Do you know what happened after you died?” Was the first of many questions she had that actually made it to past her lips. A shadow of something passed over Molly’s face but was gone in an instant, because Molly almost never let his real emotions play out on his face, and Beau had always hated that but right now she didn’t have the energy or focus to care.

 

“Vaguely. I spent some time here as well. Only a few minutes really. Then I… passed on properly, I suppose.” He shrugged again and took another few steps forward, and Beau instinctively took one back even though she wasn’t sure why. If he was hurt by the gesture, he didn’t show it. 

 

“I-I don’t-” She hesitated, because all of this was far too confusing. “How are you here now?” 

 

“Because you’re here. I asked the Raven Queen specifically to be there if one of you died so I could make sure you end up going back. Especially you.”    
  


Beau felt her shoulders stiffen, even more confused than ever. “Me? Really?” 

 

“Well, I couldn’t let my heroic sacrifice to save you go to waste.” 

 

For a moment there was silence, and then Beau barked out a short laugh, while Molly’s smirk grew wider and wider. 

 

“You are so obnoxious.” 

 

“As I’ve been told. Many times. By you.” Molly waved a hand flippantly. “But I’m still the one who saved your life and died for it. I’d like to see you top that.” 

 

Beau’s laugh faded into a chuckle before tapering off entirely, her face falling and her voice growing cold. “I never asked you to do that for me.” 

 

A glimmer of a frown, and suddenly Molly had crossed what little distance remained between them, appearing in front of her. “No. But I did it anyway.”

 

“Well-” It was hard to have a response to something like that. “Maybe you shouldn’t have.” 

 

There was another silence and Beau turned ninety degrees, staring off into the uncaring void of the limbo she was trapped in.

 

“Why not?” Molly asked, resting an arm on her elbow. His body seemed to have little weight to it, just like hers, though the warmth from the touch was slightly soothing. Very slightly. He let out a light gasp. “Don’t tell me you think I deserved to live more than you.”

 

Beau didn’t answer because she had no idea how she was even supposed to begin stringing together the complicated and endless thoughts she had about her role in Mollymauk’s demise. But Molly seemed to think that silence answer enough, elbowing her in the side.

 

“Don’t even start with that kind of guilt nonsense. I knew perfectly well what I was doing, and I would have done it for Nott or Caleb or even Keg just the same. You’re not that special, Beau.” His tone was an odd mix between serious and playful.

 

“I have no idea if you’re trying to insult me or comfort me.” Beau said dryly, and Molly laughed.

 

“Good.” 

 

Beau sighed. “We killed Lorenzo.”

 

“Wonderful.”

 

“We even found another cleric.”

 

“Jester must be thrilled.” 

 

Beau could feel her hands start to shake slightly and she clenched them into fists. This was such bullshit. Everything about this. The shock of her own death had worn off and now the familiar feelings of anger had seeped back in. 

 

And there was Molly, still standing there as carefree as ever. Even though he, by all accounts, had the most to be angry about. 

 

“How the fuck can you still be so happy?” Her words had none of the venom or anger she felt boiling inside of her. Instead, she knew she just sounded… tired. Resigned. Molly didn’t answer at first, so she kept going.

 

“You’re dead. You-you said you never got a childhood, you don’t have any memories beyond two years ago, you barely had a life, and then you finally got one and you were with us and then you just… you threw it all away. You willingly got up and got yourself killed to protect the single person in our group that you hate the most. How can you even stand being here with me?” 

 

“To be angry would imply I have any regrets about what I did. I don’t.” 

 

“But I-” She looked up, intending to stare him down, but instead he cut her off, his eyes serious and his voice solemn.

 

“Beau, like I said. I knew perfectly well what I was doing. I knew perfectly well it had a high chance of ending in my own demise. I knew all of that, and I did it anyway. It was my life, it was my choice, and it was my consequence. I don’t blame you, or any of the others.” 

 

Beau had no retort to that. Then there was a strange tingling sensation in her head, one that quickly spread throughout her entire body. Molly must have seen something shift in her stance because he smiled softly, glancing to the side. 

 

“Take a look.” 

 

Wordlessly, Beau turned around to face the image where Fjord had been carrying her body, but the scene had shifted. It was a birds-eye view, and she could still see herself, laid out on the far right side of the cart, a folded up blanket resting underneath her head. Jester had poured out diamonds on top of her chest while most of the Mighty Nein was seated around, trying to press close while simultaneously give Jester space to do her work. Caduceus was the only one missing, probably wrangling their horses.

 

It was a tight fit in the cart since Beau’s body was laid out on it, but they all seemed to manage. Jester’s mouth was moving twenty miles a minute and one hand was clutching her holy symbol tighter than seemed humanly possible while the other hovered lightly above Beau’s chest. 

 

Fjord was sitting at her feet, all of his bloodstained clothes and armour taken off and bundled in a small pile next to him, leaving him in just pants. Caleb was silently wrapping a small bandage around his shoulder, settled in between Fjord and Jester, casting glances at her every few seconds. 

 

Yasha sat by Beau’s head, running her fingers lightly through her loose hair, separating chunks into groups of three and braiding it before undoing it and restarting, her shoulders tense her mouth moving in what might have been a prayer of her own. Nott basically hang off of Yasha, taking swigs from her flask and staring directly at Beau like she might miss something. 

 

Beau stood stock still in the void, staring at this picture. The tingling within her had grown louder, the ringing in her ears starting to return from where it had faded. 

 

“Well, here we go.” Molly said lightly, as if he’d witnessed something like this a hundred million times.

 

For what seemed like an eternity, the two of them watched as Jester prayed, unable to hear her words until she moved, pulling out her sketchbook and rapidly flipping through pages before finding one and unceremoniously ripping it out, folding it in half before anyone could see exactly what was drawn on it and resting it on top of the diamonds where it would almost certainly become soaked through with blood. 

 

Then, like a switch had been pulled, suddenly Jester’s words were clear as day in Beau’s mind, like the Raven Queen’s had been before. 

 

_ Hi Beau, I really really hope you can hear me because otherwise that’ll suck so hard. But we all really want you to come back, because you’re the best roommate ever and I really don’t want to not have you as a roommate anymore because you always listen to my stories for at least a little while and you don’t mind me talking to the Traveller and you’re basically the best so like, please please pretty please don’t die and ifyoucomebackipromiseillbuyyoulikeazilliondonutsifthathelpspleasepleaseplease  _

 

Beau bit her lip, one hand instinctively reaching up towards the image where she could see Jester hunched over her body, shoulders vibrating in such a way that made it difficult to tell whether she was happy or crying.

 

She glanced to the side where Molly was, but nothing in his expression had changed, looking wistfully at the image in front of him. “Did-did you hear that?”

 

His ear flicked, and he looked at her out the corner of his eye. “Nope. It’s not for me to hear.”

 

“It was Jester.” Beau’s voice wavered and she hated that. “She-we should have done this for you.”

 

As if anticipating that Beau would somehow wind up talking about this, Molly’s response was quick. “You didn’t have the diamonds. Not your fault.” 

 

“We could have-”

 

_ Beau, please come back.  _

 

This time it was Fjord’s voice, cutting her off prematurely. 

 

_ We were so close, we had the papers already. I don’t think you’d want to die to a stupid ambush after the major battle had already been won. I’m sorry it took me so long to take down all those archers and get to you. Maybe if I’d been quicker we wouldn’t have to do this at all. _

 

She could hear the worn pain in his voice, the regret that tinged every word. The same regret she felt about Molly. It wasn’t your fault, she wanted to say. Her choice, her decision to rush ahead to try and block some of those arrows, before she’d realised just how many there were.

 

Well, now she was practically quoting Molly. 

 

It was a realisation that sunk deep into her bones. She felt Molly’s eyes on her, probably waiting for her to continue what she’d been saying for, but she’d already forgotten. So instead she looked back at the picture, silently watching as Nott tugged off the jade bracelet Beau had given her so long ago - only a few months, but it felt like so much longer - and rested it next to Beau’s head.

 

_ Please come back. Molly would be so mad if you died too.  _

 

That was all she said, her voice as gravelly as ever. She had no way of knowing Molly was right next to her, no way of knowing that Molly wasn’t mad at all. Irritatingly not-mad, in fact. 

 

For a while, silence seemed to hang in the air for them all. Molly and Beau stared at the image, while the Mighty Nein seemed frozen too, staring down at Beau’s lifeless body. 

 

An invisible voice called her to go closer to the image, some of the darkness around the void giving way to light as she took an unconscious step forward. But something pulled her back, a silent thought. She looked over her shoulder where Molly still stood.

 

She wanted to go back. She desperately wanted to go back, and somehow she knew that she could. But there was something still missing, an unfinished statement that demanded a conclusion before she could go anywhere.

 

“I’m sorry, Molly.” She finally said, one hand reaching backwards and hesitating. “I-I’ve been trying to be… better. To leave places better than I found them.” Like you did remained unsaid, but she had a feeling he could sense it all the same. 

 

Molly cocked his head to the side, a smile - not a smirk, a smile - crossing his face. He took two solid steps forward before wrapping her up in a hug that might’ve never happened while they were still alive, and she returned it, the most solid thing she’d felt since arriving in this void, even as the rest of the Mighty Nein called to her. 

 

“Good. Now, I don’t want to see you again until you’re old, grey and ugly. Tell the others I said hi.” He whispered, holding tight for just a moment longer before letting go and stepping back where the darkness of the void began to envelop him. But he seemed happy. Content. 

 

She watched him until he’d vanished from her view completely, returned to whatever wonderful afterlife he’d been in until now. An afterlife that someday she might see. Where she could see him again.

 

But not for a long time yet, she thought stubbornly, turning around and holding a hand up to the image, which no longer depicted the Mighty Nein but a swirl of colours that reached out to her the same time she reached to it, brightening into blinding white light that overtook every single one of her senses.

 

When she opened her eyes she felt sore and sticky from the dried and drying blood that covered her body. She took a deep breath, one that seemed to break a solemn and hopeful silence that had overtaken the cart. More healing magic poured into her at the same time as at least three healing potions were shoved in her direction, comforting hands rested on her shoulder, her arms, her forehead. 

 

There was a fuzziness in her brain, an indescribable feeling of an experience that one couldn’t be quite sure had ever happened. Details were fleeting but the emotions remained, and Beau blinked wearily, looking up at the bright blue sky through the illusion of the cart, before it was blocked out by five concerned and hopeful faces asking her how she felt. 

 

The memory of a hug pressed against her and she let her mouth quirk up into a reassuring smile.

 

“I’m good, guys. I’m good.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Does Beau remember her encounter with Molly? Who knows, because I sure don't. 
> 
> So uh I went and wrote this all in one go. Alternate title for this story is 'i only vaguely understand the resurrection mechanics and how it works but it won't stop me'. Yeet. 
> 
> Also funny how my first critical role fic is me blatantly ignoring canon and having molly live and my second is beau kinda sorta coming to terms with molly being dead. Funny.


End file.
